Alright, boys, I just came off of a 6 hour drive home, and I did some thinking about you. Not in the way you'd hoped-- as in, it didn't involve any sauce of any sort- no disrobing of clothes, or heavy petting, or even any kissing. Didn't involve anything like that. I was thinking about a question a customer posed to me last week: "You think there are good men out there?" And it was a man who asked me it. My thought? Yes. Yes, there are most definitely good men out there. 100%, I believe this. As a teenager, I wasn't so sure. Boys used to make serious fun of me, calling me a whore before I'd ever even kissed a boy. I credit this to being fully developed with an hourglass figure by the time I was in high school, and at that age, boys get really insecure about a gal's tits being bigger than their testicles. But. I have a wee little story about the first honest-to-god good man I'd met. A story about the first fella that gave me hope and faith, and more importantly, firsthand experience that there ARE, in fact, good men in the world.
I was in Toronto, and had been sorta following a band that I was becoming friends with. Amazing musicians, I'm honored to know them some, and keep in touch with a few of 'em via FB. I wish I could still go listen to them play, but geography and time keep me from doing so. But anyway, I digress. So, I'm in Toronto, and I've got a SERIOUS crush on the bass player. He is a beautiful creature to behold, still, and I found his conversations interesting and intellectually stimulating. Most importantly, I felt really comfortable around him. In every respect, he was, and still is, a wonderful man. But anyway.
I'm in Toronto, and the band had two hotel rooms to crash in after the show. Well, as band members inevitably do, they got to getting to partying in one of them. After an hour or two, this chick got tired and announced that she, meaning me, was going to the OTHER room to crash out. Well, said bass player announced that he, too, was gonna crash. Me, crushing on him HUGE, was totally excited-- here's my chance!! Whoop!!
Well, we get to the other room, just the two of us, and he, in proper gentlemanly fashion, offered up one of the two beds to me and took to the floor. I will never, in my life, forget laying there, really wanting to make out with this guy like a 13 year old wants to make out with Justin Bieber. And for the first time in my life, I found the courage to speak up and saod "Hey, Nameless Bass Player, so...... I REALLY want to make out with you." And he sat up and looked at me and said "You know? I really want to make out with you, too. But I have a girlfriend. And if I want her to be faithful to me, I need to be the same to her. So as much as I want to, I respectfully decline, even though no one would ever know. Because, you know, I'D know, and I wouldn't respect myself for it." And you know what? He may have been blowin' smoke up my awkward ass, but I believed him. I believed that he really DID want to kiss me back, but didn't-- BECAUSE HE'S A GOOD MAN. And also to this day, I respect and admire him for it. We'd still continue to talk as friends after that, at other shows, and it wasn't weird at all. I fucking love this fella for it.
So, see ladies? Good ones DO exist. In fact, my last fella is probably the best yet. I think that all you bitches who moan about shitty men just aren't being woman enough to choose wisely. I know that in my past, the men I'd whine about just weren't good for ME. Doesn't mean they weren't good in general, just not for me.
My advice? Quit bitching about how shitty you think men are, dump the one who's pissing you off so much, and find that guy who treats you right. Put on your big girl panties and make a stand. Because sista, you're worth it. You're worth a good man. And, believe me, they're out there.
Also, you'd be glad to know that I made it all the way through the 6 hour drive without crashing. I think that one truck driver was pretty impressed, but whatever. Gotta toss 'em a bone ONCE in a while.
Here's the thing about our relationship. We have been great friends, keeping in touch since our moving to different states. You are someone whom I have loved because as you say, comfort level is high. You are stimulating intellectually and well, pretty damn sexy plus your fun. A pluses all around. Though you and I got into it a few times due to differing opinions (political and social) I always enjoyed the opportunity to talk more, get to know each other and appreciate each other. You were always the highlight of tour for me. If we were going to a town I knew you were going to be, touring got easier. I had someone to look forward to seeing, someone who made me feel comfortable.
ReplyDeleteSo when it came time to turn in that fateful night, I honestly didn't suspect that your hotness would have come on to me. This speaks more to my lack of self-confidence and probably a little to my being blind as a bat. But, surely, this smart incredibly sexy woman was not interested in me in that way. But you were, and we were ripped. Dudes party hard and well, all140 pounds of my mellow ass can only take but so much before I literally am mellowed to the point of needing sleep. I was ready for the bed but not ready for your request. And, holy-baked chicken sweet ass barbecue sauce, when those words came out of your mouth, my heart, mind, and soul truly wanted to stand up and get in bed with you and kiss those gorgeous lips of yours. Not a day goes by that I am not reminded of that moment. I see you so much via FB and because you are still so dear to me, I think about that night. But, I did mean it, I didn't want to disrespect you, nor my girlfriend or myself. Had we started relating with a lie our friendship would have probably been destroyed. I would have treated you less than what you deserved and morally neither of us nor our friendship deserved that. And what if we did make out and realized that maybe we could be more than friends and I left then girlfriend, would our relationship withstand other possible temptations? You start with a lie you end up living it. But, don't think for second that there was any part of me, mind, body and soul, that didn't want to hop in bed with you to kiss your lips, even once would have been a treasured moment. I can assure you that I wanted it and well, still do but I am still that same guy and discipline makes us better and I choose then to honor all my relationships because I wanted each one to retain their integrity.
You are still an incredibly beautiful and wickedly smart (and funny) woman. Any man who can't treat you (and all women) right deserves a power punch to their gut and a spot in hell. It is our love and respect for each other that makes living better. I choose to live that way and not defer to something demeaning of my spirit or others.
Lastly, I just want to say thank you for the love. I truly honor that and am so grateful for what we have and didn't have that fateful night. Love you always Nicole. You are so very special.