This week I was asked: Besides possibly getting roofied at a frat party and getting raped by a midget with three nipples, what do I fear the most about hopping back on the school saddle?
Ack… Where do I even BEGIN??
There are numerous things that I’m afraid of. To begin with, I’m borderline, no, wait, COMPLETELY, terrified about doing online courses.
I fear that I’ll procrastinate like crazy and then struggle to make it all up towards the end of the semester.
I hope that I do not, but I fear that my habits will get the best of me and I’ll wait till the last possible minute (and by habits, I'm not referring to my copious meth use, because as any meth head will tell you, crystal makes me git shit DONE-- my oven looks like it's brand fuckin' NEW.. just kiddin'. Seriously though, I'm referring to my study habits-- which leave a LOT to be desired.)
I’ve pretty much always had a shit ton of fear about online classes for the very reason mentioned above.
However, given the fact that I live smack in the middle of
nowhere, it’s really the only option that I have in finishing my degree.
The closest college is 77 miles away—a long drive, especially in the winter.
And also, I’m not sure I could afford the gas during the financially lean months of winter, without whoring myself out at 20 bucks a pop.
That said, being afraid, I also feel that one must confront one’s fears.
I’ve always said that courage doesn’t come from simply not being afraid—it comes from being afraid and doing it anyway.
Right? Right. So, I shall stare this right in the face, and prove to myself that I can do it.
Because, bottom line is that I NEED to finish my Psych degree.
I am TIRED of being in the service industry. I NEED to finally trooper up and get a job that I’m proud of.
There isn’t much pride in slinging beers to alcoholics, after all.
In addition to being a Procrastinator, I’m also worried that I may
have piled on too much work, given this is the first semester back to
school in over three years.
And not only is it simply SCHOOL, but it’s ONLINE. Part of me is wondering what the hell I’m thinking—taking 13 credit hours using an education model that I’m unfamiliar with.
I worry that I’ve put too much on myself. But, then again, maybe I’m just selling myself short- maybe I really CAN do all this, and do it WELL, too.
I guess we’ll see and I can only take it one step at a time, right? Fuck. I sure hope so. Failure Is Not An Option.
As far as my goals and what I hope to accomplish with my degree?
Well, I hope to become a guidance counselor for high school students (haha! look out world, Skamp wants to guide your children! Instead of candy in a dish on my desk, I'm more apt to have a bowl of condoms and tell kids to remember that butt sex won't get you pregnant). Seriously though, I basically want to help kids narrow down and find what it is that excites them, what they ENJOY doing, what they’re GOOD at. And I ain't talking about blowing a bunch of money on pot and booze- which is what primarily excited ME, what I ENJOYED doing, and what I was GOOD at when I was a kid. I'm talking about what they want to DO with their lives. I spent a lot of money on college right out of high school, following what my teachers told me I SHOULD do.
Turns out, I don’t LIKE Occupational Therapy. I managed only a few semesters before I dropped out.
I never stopped long enough to figure out what it is that I wanted to do.
I never stopped long enough until I was in my late 20s. Somewhere, between carrying on and having a general good time, it dawned on me that my gift in life was in helping others find THEIR gifts.
And I know that HS guidance counselors have to do a lot more shit (i.e.
PAPERWORK) than I’d care for, but it comes with the territory.
I feel that if I could help just one kid, or maybe even a handful, find
the courage to pursue what they’re passionate about, my job would be
worth it.
I know it sounds PollyAnna-ish, but that’s currently where I stand on the matter.
In addition to all the paperwork GC have to do, I know that the kids aren’t going to be my biggest problem.
It’s going to be the administration of the school I find myself working in.
Which I will have to choose carefully. The reason
for that is because I tend to be very outspoken (crazy, I know), and not many people
would like that in someone who’s helping shape their kid.
They’d have to be ok with me trying my best to help encourage
kids to follow what they want—even if it means NOT going to college.
Because let’s face it- college isn’t for everyone. Sure, education is great, and highly recommended, but not everyone wants to go.
So why try to put a round peg into a square hole? Oh fuck… I can already hear the complaints from imaginary parents in my mind.
Lucky for me, I have broad shoulders and a strong network of people to help me when the going gets tough.
Because I’m betting it will. But, nothing worthwhile is ever always easy.
Anyway. I hope I manage to do alright this semester. I'd have to beat myself like a redheaded step child if I fuck this up. So, come December, if you see me walking around with two black eyes, it won't be because my partner beat me up, it'll be because I fucked up and needed to punish myself.
Well, peace out, girl scouts. Time to bury my head in another fucking book.
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